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Ðề tài: Lurid Sky

  1. #9
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    Let's say....

    For example, we were walking around the museum and suddenly you had somewhere you needed to be. As soon as the call was over, you hurried away, telling me to wait until you came back.

    What would I do, I wonder?

    Ah, I might think about calling you to ask what was going on. But, seeing you in such hurry, I would feel bad for stopping you even one second to pick up my call, so I would just drop it.

    Would I go home then?

    But I couldn't have known when would be the best time to call you, what if you were in the middle of something urgent or important? If you were to come back here and found out I went home long ago, wouldn't that be a waste of your time?

    So well, being a yielding and over-thinker that I am, I would find a place to sit and wait for you like a faithful dog. A bench might have been placed somewhere near the entrance, if my memories served right. That would be an ideal spot.

    The automatic door would occasionally open as people walked in and brought along with them the freezing wind of winter, but I wouldn't really mind. I could always entertain myself with something, materialized objects or imaginary plays, I wouldn't get bored too easily. That would be why, as long as there was be no other plan for the rest of the day, I would wait. If there was, I would text you and left.

    Why didn't I just text you from the beginning and go home? I guess, to put it simply, was because you told me to wait.

    That would be why, I would wait. Until finally, the closing time came, and I was politely asked to step outside.

    Maybe I would wonder what took you so long and pondered whether or not I should give you a call.

    In the end though, I would probably just text you one simple text, so that you wouldn't waste your time coming back to that place, and went home.

    Then, the next day, so that there wouldn't be any awkward atmosphere, I would smile and greet you normally. You might give some reasons or excuses regarding the day before, or you could go with the flow and acted like nothing happened. Honestly, I wouldn't care either way. Because in the first place, I didn't really care about what you had to say, or not say. The only difference between this and that...would be the weight of the heavy feeling in my chest.

    Sooner or later, the end for us would come. That would be what I think.

    It wasn't out of resentment, malice, or sadness. It was just a destination of a pattern I knew all too well.

    Let's say....

    We tried to give each other a dream. Like we were actors on an improvised play stage. We tried, yes, we did. But a play cannot go on forever, therefore, before your stamina runs out and ruin the whole thing, wouldn't it be more appropriate to put an end to it, so the play can be completed?

    Sounds wrong, you say? But many was saved because of it.

    Ahhhh, but this is just an imaginary scenario, a script for a play, so to speak. Many things could go wrong. Many unexpected situation would come up. There are hundreds and thousand endings for a beginning. I want to write as many as I can think of. But unfortunately, I'm sleepy, my eyes are closing. Maybe another day.



    -----

    Childish...or adult... Using one word to describe something can be so cunning at times. The concept and definition existed in people's head are varied. It can be limited and simple, as well as it can be so complex that it makes you wonder if they can all be fit into one word.

    ---

    There's a shell that I refused to break for as long as I could. But, shell being shell, inevitably, one day it will break open. At that time, I wonder the innards will come out as a whole, or just an incomplete embryo that destined to die.


    If there's any word I can use to describe my thoughts, it's "foolosophy."

  2. #10
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    Leavenworth after one year still has that fairy-tale like atmosphere to it.

    I like cold. I like snow. But my body pretty much can't handle it. Does it make this "like" feeling fake? I suppose. What do I like about snow? What do I like about cold? Do I like them for what they are? Or do I just like a specific part about them and hide myself from the rest? Honest to goodness, there's nothing to gain by finding answers to those questions, but they still appeared in my head anyway.

    Well, being an obstinate person, I refuse to give up. There must be a compromise between my weak constitution and coldness. Because I really like cold, I want to live with it. I might die early, but that doesn't really matter.

    Hmmm...on the side note, I just realize this recently but I think, the cold is more enjoyable when you're alone than with other people. Is that strange?

    ----------------

    Ngôn ngữ, để có thể viết ra thì phải bắt đầu từ suy nghĩ....có lẽ vậy . Sáu năm trước, để rặn ra được một chữ tiếng anh là một cả cuộc khổ hình đau thương TT^TT. Nói một chữ thì hơi quá, một bài văn hay bài luận có lẽ chính xác hơn. Bây giờ thì ngược lại :|, mình phải nghĩ...nghĩ....nghĩ....để viết tiếng việt....Đọc lại những câu chuyện mình viết ngày xưa, cảm giác như....."Hả? Mình viết cái này á? Mình biết mấy cái từ đó á?"

    Muốn viết. Cảm giác đó chưa hề thay đổi, nhưng mà......tiếng người thì chưa thông, tiếng mẹ đẻ thì quên béng. Haizzz. Nói là buồn thì sai. Nói là thất vọng thì cũng không đúng. Dở dở ương ương. Đầu ngựa mình dê, hờ......


    If there's any word I can use to describe my thoughts, it's "foolosophy."

  3. #11
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    Note on how to become stupidly stupid: It's really not appropriate to feel sad about the consequences you knew you had it coming. That's why, if there is ever a chance such feeling occurs, just kill it.


    If there's any word I can use to describe my thoughts, it's "foolosophy."

  4. #12
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    Current obsessed with this song. It's the first song in a while that I could listen for many days, more than 5 hours continuously each. It's really been awhile. I missed this feeling.



    If there's any word I can use to describe my thoughts, it's "foolosophy."

  5. #13
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    How long has it been since I could call someone a "friend." I have gotten so used to treat people and being treated as a short-term acquaintance that I totally forgot what it was like to be able to call someone my "friend." People come. People go. That will never change. However, unlike with others, I feel some sort of bonds with them, and that feels weird, really weird. It's a foreign feeling to me. Thinking about it now, how long has it been since we knew each other? Almost 6 years? The time we spent with each other didn't surpass 1 year. We met, we talked, we hang out, we fell out of touch, quite a few times. Honestly, it was a normal and inevitable thing to me, like with everyone else, a short-term contact is most comfortable for both parties.

    I guess the reason I'm feeling like this now was because I was able to open up to her somewhat about my feelings and the way I perceived our relationship. I was able to become honest with her, and him too, which is....so rare I don't even remember last time it happened. After all, being stupidly honest is just exposing your weakness to others and it would come back to bite you someday, or so I told myself. Anyhow, this period of being close probably won't last long, given mine and theirs personalities. Even so, I'm happy.





    If there's any word I can use to describe my thoughts, it's "foolosophy."

  6. #14
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    It's a sad thing...that knowing people warmth means I will experience the feeling of loneliness more deeply and painfully. Even so, I can't say I would wish it had never happened. Through all meeting and parting, fear and distrust grew bigger, but at the same time, there was another thing grew besides just negative, things that are harder to put into words but makes me smile with content. The fear of parting will never disappear, such sadness will never cease to exist, but I supposed I have learned how to treasure present enough to not running away.





    If there's any word I can use to describe my thoughts, it's "foolosophy."

  7. #15
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    It's snowing so badly today, I couldn't work up the courage to try driving to work in this condition. Better be safe than sorry, though I know it caused inconvenience for others. There's something about a world of white that makes people feel peaceful inside. But though it's so beautiful, why is it so hard to live with it? Probably because a price is always a must with everything. This cold. cold winter that I said I've always loved and couldn't help but feeling like it was a lie. Will I be able to get rid of my cowardice self? So that I can honestly love everything about it.

    ---------


    For people whose will has never been broken once, I kinda admire them. At the same time, I couldn't have but wanting to test that iron will of theirs. The ugly part of me always wants people to fall, there's no point pretending to be a good person anyhow since I was never one. Her way of life, I can't say I'm envying it. Selfish, willful, but full of life. How funny, isn't she what I've wanted to become? Yet I can't say I admire her for achieving it. I'm a half-baked. Stuck between wanting to be selfish and trying to please everyone. This feeling always causes me pain, for reasons I've known all too well. But now that I'm seeing her, I actually kind of glad I was a half-baked. Because I realized, I don't want to be like her. I'd rather stay this way, no matter how twisted it is.

    ==========


    I hate being ignorant. But the day when I am no longer ignorant will probably never come. No matter how much I see, no matter how much I learn. It's never enough.


    If there's any word I can use to describe my thoughts, it's "foolosophy."

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    Cruel, yet so kind.

    There was a time when I wished, day after day, he would say those words, so my heart can be at ease. But, after all, why should he do anything for my sake?


    If there's any word I can use to describe my thoughts, it's "foolosophy."

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