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Ðề tài: Lurid Sky

  1. #33
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    Đi khám bác sĩ, cái chứng migraine nó hành quá, thêm cái tự nhiên tháng này GERD bị nặng hơn, lắm lúc đau ngực thở không nổi. Bác sĩ nói nhiều dã man :))), chủ yếu la tại sao không đi khám sớm.

    Cầm về hai túi đồ lưu niệm, thuốc với dụng cụ thử máu. Trong 3 thứ bác sĩ cho toa chữa migraine có thuốc an thần amitriptyline. Chưa đề cập gì đến vấn đề trầm cảm với mất ngủ, nhưng hi vọng thuốc này sẽ giúp.


    If there's any word I can use to describe my thoughts, it's "foolosophy."

  2. #34
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    Remind me what this pain is,

    Carve it deep into my heart,

    So that I will never forget,

    So that even if I try to, I can't.

    Etched each and every scar on my skin,

    So that it will bleed crimson,

    So that it will make me sing words of pain.

    Don't let it fade away,

    Let it build up to be my grave.

    Even in my happiest moments,

    I still want to run away,

    Still wanting to disappear.

    Why?

    Because that's the feeling I'm most familiar with.

    Without it, I feel unease and insecure,

    Like a little child wandered too far from home.

    I longed for the familiarity and the comfort it brought.

    No matter how far I ventured,

    How many places I've been to,

    How bright and beautiful they were,

    In the end, I can only feel at ease in my dark, dark corner,

    Where I can feel nothing but pain and sadness.


    If there's any word I can use to describe my thoughts, it's "foolosophy."

  3. #35
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    My taste in things haven't changed much compared to the past. What I liked in the past, I still like it now. What I hated in the past, I still hate them now. I wonder if that means I haven't changed much since then, still naïve, still stupid, still an airhead... really haven't grown up at all. So many things have happened over the years, it's actually more unbelievable to think I haven't changed. I myself don't even know what I wished for, to have changed or not. I hate myself when I remained naïve and got pushed around. But I also hate myself who got shaped by environment and was forced to adapt to it. Thinking about future, to not change is a dumb move, and yet, I can't help feeling relieved when I found the parts of myself which haven't changed. Really....what a headache.



















    If there's any word I can use to describe my thoughts, it's "foolosophy."

  4. #36
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    Continuation...


    --------











    If there's any word I can use to describe my thoughts, it's "foolosophy."

  5. #37
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    my favorite as of late







    If there's any word I can use to describe my thoughts, it's "foolosophy."

  6. #38
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    Returned to US after 3 months in Vietnam, finally felt like my heart was at ease. The smell of a familiar room, the softness of the bed, the warm of the light blanket, I realized I've missed them so, so much. Strangely, I didn't miss the people, not one bit, none, whatsoever. But it should be normal, considered the reason I went away for so long was to get away from them. The chaos half a year ago seemed so distance now, even though the aftermath still remained. The scars are still here, in me and in them, though I'm unsure of how much they actually care, maybe it's just my wishful thinking that they were wounded over it like me.

    I just...couldn't care less now.

    Trust was ruthlessly crushed, grinded into dust and scattered unto god knows where.


    I don't think...I will ever cry so miserably again. It's not anything to brag about, but I know I'm an extremely sore loser, stubborn and willful. That's why, I disdain shedding tears in front of others. But...I've never cried more miserably in my life like then, and in public place, no less.

    The pain, the tears back then, as well as the heartless gazes they gave me, even if I didn't want to, I was made to realize just how small my place was in their heart.

    It's vexing. Really vexing.

    I was in pain, and now that pain has turned into resentment, even though I know better than anyone to not let it become like that.

    What do I resent them for anyway?

    For not putting me on a pedestal like I did them?

    For not placing our ties above all else, like an idiot I was?

    Hahaha, so ridiculous, absolutely ridiculous.

    How filthy.

    At this rate, my heart would dye black because of this. I would become an even bigger joke, because of this? No way. I refuse.

    What had rot, was already too rotten to be saved. I just realized it too late.

    I thought what I held onto was precious, but in reality, what had coiled around me were rotten and stinky ties. If so, then there's nothing else to do but to cut it off and cleanse myself of the filth.



    If there's any word I can use to describe my thoughts, it's "foolosophy."

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