Help

[m1zz.n4ughty]

I needed someone to help me with creative writting :khocnhe:
Topic: Belonging :blinking:
Any ideas guys..........thanks :huglove:

[KenX]

Please explain more... what is creative writing you mean? :D The topic is abstract too :D

[m1zz.n4ughty]

creative writting mean write a story with this topic: belonging :sr:

[infinite]

well you mean you have to write a story about your belonging or fitting into a new environment? :|:| please give me a specific topic :|

[m1zz.n4ughty]

Yes, a story.
Anything that relate to belonging like your family, country, relationship etc....

[letue]

trùi con bé này :andon:
Mizz...em have to choose a topic 1st

[BoyVn]

It is an interesting topic. If come to a new country, but you still keeep the memory of your native country, you may probably have a double identities. You dónt know who exactly you are, but you know you are not a typical Vietnamese any more. You may speak a new language more than your native language. You might practice the new cultural activities morẻ than Vietnamese cultural activities.

[Jr.K7]

I can feel it......but which topic are you choosing? i think you should talk about your new country such as how hard you have to g et through bla bla bla....stuff like that.....with this topic i think you can find and exxtend lots of ideas

[infinite]

Well since you didn't choose any specific topic so I just write what i would write :| :|

Maybe you can write about your belonging e.g a special toy, diary or maybe...wedding ring? Built up a plot from this, I'm sure it's not hard. Also can try difference environments like you went oversea but can't fit in, you feel that you aren't belong there (stranger :D:D...good topic to write :D)

Personally I would write a story when I died by accident. I went to heaven but instead of willing to go, I'm still wanting to stay and try to live as I never died (get friends, family attention, do things that I usually do...blah blah...) until I finally realize that I belong to somewhere else :D:D:D

Well that's all I can think of :|

[KenX]

I like your story, infinite :D

[infinite]

I like your story, infinite :D

lol...thanks...i made that up for my english class. We supported to write a story about life and dead...so yea :|

[m1zz.n4ughty]

thanks guys...i dont know which one should i choose to be my topic....so many option :sr:
im thinking of my old country where i belong to...( VN:sr:)

[m1zz.n4ughty]

Hey guys!!!
Can you help me finish of the story and also fix my grammar please :so_funny: im bad at this stuff :sr:. I need another 500 words to complete the story but i couldnt think of anything to write.
Here's my story

Everything seems so different to where I used to live. I move from a small village to a busy city to live with my aunt. I fondly looked at things around like a lost kid. The first image appear in my eyes is the big house in the corner of George street. It’s my aunt house. The house was paint with light blue colour with massive brown fence cover the outside of the house. Grass is neatly trimmed. The front yard with full of maple leaves since autumn’s nearly end and preparing for winter. I stand there staring at the house like a never seen before. I steps in the house in a cold sensation with this new house. Everything’s well-ordered and clean.
It's quiet! The loneliness was more pronounced than any sense that I has ever tasted! Not a sound in my room. The sky is cheerless. It seems like the sky is in the darkness. Occasionally, some cold wind surf across by accidentally but I don’t really care. I can’t sleep tonight and I was decided not to sleep. Unpack my suitcase and my bag. Try to put everything away to the wardrobe. My room’s a luxury room with a bathroom built inside the room. My bed was decorated with curtain around in purple colour like a princess bed. Next to my bed’s my study table where I can put the picture of my family. Where’s my exciting feeling go? Where’s the entire smile in my face go? Everything has change. I have no feeling with this room. I missed my old room, small, messy but kept my heart warm.
The sun began to fade away. The morning birds fly back to their house in group with a chirping sound. I emerge to greet the coming day. From the balconies on the second floor looking down, the road is so busy and noisy as usual. Autumn is nearly end, the sun has begun to cool down but it never off in the busy city. The first time I walk out of the house since I moved to this house. Lock the door; I decided to go for a walk around this area to get used to it. As I walk down the street, people walk passing me in a rust. I’m in the middle of a crowded, but no one recognized my presence.I feel like a lost kid in the street. The cold winds suddenly across my face make me startled. I’m like a little daydream girl about the old days where I live, remember my little family. A month ago, cancer claimed the lives of my parents. The dead of my parents took my smile away. I love to smile before but now a smile to me is so hard. I have no feeling. Fake smiles appear in my mouth but I have no sense. I was whispering to myself that l will be fine. I was wondering if I belong to this city.

[limeline]

Về việc hoàn tất câu chuyện, xin thứ cho mình bất tài vô dụng :-*. Ấy nên chú ý tenses và prepositions một chút, chẳng hạn:


Everything seems so different to where I used to live.

>> everything where? here? different from.

I move from a small village to a busy city to live with my aunt.

>> I have [just] moved........

I fondly looked at things around like a lost kid.

(if you use past tense here, you should use past tense for the rest of your experience, but I saw you mentioned "tonight" somewhere, so the story might as well be in present tense; however, remember to either use past all the way or present all the way.)

The first image appear in my eyes is the big house in the corner of George street.

(appear in nên chuyển thành appearing in front of/ appearing before.)

It’s my aunt house.

(possessive?)

The house was paint with light blue colour with massive brown fence cover the outside of the house.

>> The house was/is painted with light blue colour, and massive brown fence covered/covers its outside.

The front yard with full of maple leaves since autumn’s nearly end and preparing for winter.

>> The front yard was/is covered/filled with maple leaves, since the autumn was/is nearly at the end and the winter was/is coming.

I stand there staring at the house like a never seen before.

(well, in fact you had never seen the house before that first impression...)

I steps in the house in a cold sensation with this new house.

(cold sensation?)

The loneliness was more pronounced than any sense that I has ever tasted!

("pronounced"? you mean "profound"? "any sense"? how do you taste "sense"?)

Not a sound in my room.

(Fragments might be used to emphasize something, or to make the flow of the story faster, but I think a full sentence is better in this case.)

The sky is cheerless.

(I would say, "to seem/to look" is better than "to be" in this case, cuz whether the sky is really cheerless or not is not a fact, it depends on your emotion.)

It seems like the sky is in the darkness.

>> (you might say) it seemed like darkness was filling up/ swallowing the sky...

Occasionally, some cold wind surf across by accidentally but I don’t really care.

(you only need one preposition, either across or by, but not both of them... "Accidentally" can be placed before verb, it'll be less awkward. The verb "surf" is not really suitable to describe "wind", cuz it means something flexibly moving on top of some flowing thing.)

I can’t sleep tonight and I was decided not to sleep.

(passive/active voice. shouldn't repeat the verb "sleep".)

Unpack my suitcase and my bag. Try to put everything away to the wardrobe.

(again, if it isn't necessary, try not to use fragments.)

My room’s a luxury room with a bathroom built inside the room.

("room" was repeated thrice in one sentence.)

Next to my bed’s my study table where I can put the picture of my family.

(study table? you mean desk? the study table/desk is emphasized as "yours", so before "where" should be a comma.)

Where’s my exciting feeling go? Where’s the entire smile in my face go?

(has gone. On my face.)

Everything has change.

I have no feeling with this room.

(for.)

I missed my old room, small, messy but kept my heart warm.

>> I missed/miss my old room; it was small and messy, but it kept my heart warm. (if you choose to use present tense for the story, "was" and "kept" right here should still be kept in past.)

The sun began to fade away.

(how does the sun fade away? it just moves to where you can't see, doesn't it? it will never "fade" unless your vision, for some reasons - like crying, becomes hazy.)

The morning birds fly back to their house in group with a chirping sound.

(a group? [many] groups? "house" of the birds? you mean those that humans use to raise them? or do you mean fly back home (their nests)? fly with a chirping sound? you mean chirping while flying? or do you mean that chirping is the sound of flying?? and why is there only one sound where birds are so many?)

From the balconies on the second floor looking down, the road is so busy and noisy as usual.

>> Looking down from the balcony of the second floor, I saw/see the road was/is so busy and noisy.

(how can you look at the road from more than one balcony at a time? as usual? busy and noisy as usual? haven't you just come the previous evening/night? I only noticed the quietness...)

Autumn is nearly end, the sun has begun to cool down but it never off in the busy city.

("end" is either a verb or a noun, not an adj. How does the sun "cool down"? In fact it slowly gets hotter with time... You mean the temperature? Off? preposition or adjective? Off where? the sky? If you mean the sun disappears from the sky, as a matter of fact it does that everyday.)

The first time I walk out of the house since I moved to this house.

(fragment... Have walked.)

Lock the door; I decided to go for a walk around this area to get used to it.

(Locking the door, ....)

As I walk down the street, people walk passing me in a rust.

(walk past. rush.)

I’m in the middle of a crowded, but no one recognized my presence.

(they can recognize your existence only if they have seen you before... Or do you mean they don't feel your presence?)

I feel like a lost kid in the street.

The cold winds suddenly across my face make me startled.

>> the cold winds suddenly blew/blow past/on my face, startling me.

I’m like a little daydream girl about the old days where I live, remember my little family.

>> I'm like a little girl daydreaming about the old days. (the rest was weird, I don't understand.)

I love to smile before but now a smile to me is so hard.

(used to love smiling. "a smile to me"? you mean "a smile somebody gives me..."? or do you mean "in my opinion/ for me, smiling...")

Fake smiles appear in my mouth but I have no sense.

(on. can't sense them.)

[KenX]

@limeline: Thanks for your precise comments, though it's for miss's story, I can learn from it a lot, because I also usually make those above mistakes :D :D

[infinite]

Unpack my suitcase and my bag
Where's the subject?


Where’s my exciting feeling go?
@@...It doesn't make sense...you mean Where has my excitement gone?...Something like that @@


Everything has change
changed...past participle


My room’s a luxury room with a bathroom built inside the room
can change to : My room's a luxury room with an ensuite :D:D


I emerge to greet the coming day
Okay...I'm confused...if the sun is going down...why are you emerge for the coming day @@...Sorry, I'm kinda slow @@


I love to smile before but now a smile to me is so hard
I used to smile but now, smiling to me is so hard. <<<Try that :D


Fake smiles appear in my mouth but I have no sense.
...sounds weird and awkward @@ Try:...Fake smiles appear on me but I have no feeling...(errr, not sure 'bout the no feeling part, fake smiles should be fine, personally)

As lime...(sorry @@) said, you should stick to one tense only. Besides, the writing didn't express much about the feeling, put some more contrasts, a few things at your old house...blah blah blah

However, good work :D

[m1zz.n4ughty]

lime: thank you so so much :huglove:
nite: thanks :sr:
I learn from my mistake :sr: